Other People’s Anger
Wouldn’t life be utterly spectacular if we could just wave our little magic wands around and POOF, people would behave exactly how we desire them to behave? If I had my way, I would transform our planet into nothing short of a Care Bear episode filled with adventure, love, and positivity. (I guess that’s why I have the “Funshine” bear tattooed on my arm.) As you and I both know, my daydreams of eliminating contrast, bad attitudes, and emotional struggles are not going to come into fruition. There is no magic wand. We cannot control others. We cannot control their thoughts, their feelings, or their actions. We can, however, control ourselves, our thoughts, and our own actions. This is currently what I am practicing.
Growing up, watching my mother spin out into a rage spiral was a regular occurrence. Just because she has since passed away does not inspire me to suddenly re-write history. It was what it was. She was an incredible human being who we all miss greatly, but I can say with uncomfortable honestly that I do not miss her temper, short fuse, or venomous criticisms during one of her anger storms. Today, as a 40-year-old woman, I am still faced with my unhelpful auto-pilot fight/flight/freeze responses when crossing paths with someone who is enraged. This is what I am seeking to overcome. I no longer want to be affected by other people’s anger.
In the restaurant industry, “frustration” is an emotion that can be seen, heard, and felt almost daily. Whether it’s an overwhelmed kitchen staff, a manager under pressure, or an impatient customer that refuses to understand servers do not just take one table at a time, tempers can flare rather quickly. I have spent the last couple of years pondering what other careers may be a better fit for me. I have been wondering if a high-stress, pressure-cooker, fast-paced server job could actually be the WORST position for me to put myself in, considering my large sensitivity to anger. For example, if an irate Kitchen manger were to slam down pots & pans while shouting, “When do I have time to do my f**king job?!” in the most condescending manner because you dare ask for him to make your table a salad, I want the strength to roll my eyes and view his behavior as nothing more than a mere mosquito bite. Unfortunately, I have not yet been able to reach that level of unbothered. My nervous system still responds as if I am 10-years old, standing there, taking a passive-aggressive verbal shredding. I get instantly anxious, nervous, and I start to shut down. It’s embarrassing and it absolutely hinders my workflow.
Sure, I know what you’re thinking. Inappropriate tempers do not belong in a workplace. I couldn’t agree more! But what happens when I cross paths with the next rage-a-holic? Yes, people unable to control their anger is a problem. But me taking other people’s anger personally, is a bigger problem. So perhaps, this industry isn’t the worst place for me to be, but maybe it’s the BEST place for me to be. What if this is my personal School of Hard Knocks? If I truly desire overcoming my sensitivity to other people’s anger than maybe I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
