Lonely Life or Greatest Love Story?

It’s all about perspective. With everything.

I was tempted to title this blog, “What It’s Like to Be a Military Wife,” but quickly realized that would inappropriate, as I can only share what it’s like specifically from my own personal vantage point. I would never dare attempt to speak for another USMC spouse. My experience as a “MILSO” (military significant other) is not going to be the same experience as anyone else. Not only is each branch of military different, but each MOS (or job) is also different. My husband is currently still an active 0311 Marine, which means that his job is Infantry. The schedule of an Infantry Marine typically does not mirror the schedule of a non-combative MOS.

I reflected on the last 9-years of my life and tuned-in to my deepest river of emotion. Wobbling back and forth between a positive outlook and a negative outlook on my marriage was the most honest title. Even though I cling so tightly to the “glass half full” method, that does not mean I am without sad days, moments, or whole life chapters. So, let’s dive in. Do you have your calculators ready? Time for some Marine Core math.

It was only 3-months after we met that my then boyfriend (now husband) left for USMC Bootcamp. After bootcamp, he had to also complete SOI (School of Infantry) so we were separated for 6-months total. After his SOI graduation, he was given North Carolina as a duty station, so I packed up my stuff and traded my Long Island NY life for a tent under Snow Cut Bridge, near Carolina Beach NC. (But that’s another blog!) For the next 4-months, we saw each other only on the weekends. Right as we approached our 1-year anniversary of being together, we got married and moved into base housing. Just 3-months later, he deployed for the 1st time. My husband was gone 7-months and then returned home only to deploy again 5-months later. During the second deployment, he was gone for 6-months and then returned home again but had to quickly enroll in 2 back-to-back schoolhouses. This means he was home, but he wasn’t home. We will circle back to that in a second.

Immediately after those 2 schools, my husband deployed for the 3rd time. This time was extremely different. He was away for 8-months and it ended up being a combat deployment. I am above and beyond grateful for his safe return. Sadly, not every spouse was able to say that. It was after the 3rd deployment that we decided that the last re-enlistment would be the last re-enlistment. We were home together for only a year, as he found his footing as a Combat Instructor. It was during that time frame we fell in love with an area in Florida that we just KNEW would be our forever home. As we created big plans for our future, my father was surprisingly several steps ahead of us. As a gift, he built us our dream home in that area.

With over 2-years left of his contract, we high-fived and packed me up. I set sail South, fully stepping into what we jokingly referred to as my “recon role.” Because of his new job, most recent rank-up, and giant promotion, my hubby was not doing exactly a 9–5 lifestyle. Most nights he came home after midnight, if he came home at all. So having me leap ahead and jump start our next chapter, truly made the most sense to us. I was able to be present for all the new home construction, the decorating, and carving our path here. As you have read from previous blogs, the community I currently reside in has more to offer than anything we could have ever dreamed up.

It has already been 1-year since moving into this forever home and we only have 1-year left before he dives into the Skill Bridge program, which sends him to school for his future civilian job. In exactly 17-months, my husband will receive his DD-214 papers and his freedom. In the meantime, he visits me and our current piece of paradise for about 3-days, every 4–6 weeks. I can only imagine how insane this sounds to the civilian world, but for a military family, it’s almost normal.

If you were truly tracking the math on this, it would be easy to notice that the time we spent separated totally outweighs the time we spent together. Thus, the eternal question; Am I lonely? Or am I living out the greatest love story ever told? Well, both. Both perspectives are present, sometimes simultaneously. When I blog about choosing joy, I am not blowing smoke up anyone’s a$$. I believe 100% that our magic is in our mindfulness. Our thoughts dictate our feelings and our experience here. CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS. I have absolutely spent a massive amount of time over the years feeling sorry for myself and/or wondering how the hell I am even surviving this lifestyle, but I never stay in that low-vibrational space too long. The truth is, the Universe knew exactly what it was doing by pairing me up with this person and this path.

When I said earlier that he was “home but not really home” what I meant was, just because my husband wasn’t on a deployment, doesn’t mean he was around for dinner each evening. If Infantry Marines are not deployed, they are usually on week-long field ops, in schoolhouses, on workups leading to the next deployment, having night ranges, duty shifts, and/or endless tasks that prove they rarely ever get to clock out. Plus, there is also what I have personally labeled as “Recovery Mode.” Some days, my husband was home only long enough to RECOVER. That just means, shower, eat, sleep, and re-pack his gear for the next adventure. There were many weekends where he was a shell of man, exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was up to me to exercise compassion, patience, and understanding that we couldn’t go out and paint the town red, just because we were finally together.

Did I exercise that level of empathy? Most of time…but I would be damn liar if I said all of the time! Too many times I lost my way and grew frustrated, annoyed, and chose to indulge in a pity party. I have mastered nothing about this life. However, the ride has not come to a stop yet, and I can proudly say that I have made several leaps and bounds as a military wife. I continue to practice choosing my perspective and soaking up the seconds that we DO get to be together. Every time we are together, it is a celebration. We have learned to cherish each kiss and all the micro moments.

This USMC lifestyle has taught me unconditional love, trust, and commitment. It is not just LOVE that keeps us together, it’s a CHOOSING. Every day, I choose him. Over and over again, no matter what. This path has forced me to tap into my own highest levels of independence and loyalty. It has invited me to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, to give up control, and to talk about EVERYTHING. Yup, everything. There is no topic off limits. A permanent line of open communication has been our compass since day one. We do not take each other…or any day alive…for granted.

Does this life get lonely? Sure. But if we let it…only if we let it…this life will also double as the greatest love story ever lived.

Actually, it already has.