Is It Possible to Have Unconditional Love & Genuine Connection, Without Attachment?

If you practice Buddhism, attachment is called upādāna. This means “grasping” or “clinging.” YIKES! And it is specifically referring to our tendency to cling to people, things, or ideas — in hopes that it will all lead to lasting happiness and fulfillment. By giving up this tight-knuckle grip around an idea, person, feeling, or even an outcome, then we are free. We can choose to trust the Universe/God/Spirit so deeply that it becomes a full surrender, and true freedom can be found. I love this. I love everything about this and can confess to you now, that I practice the laws of detachment, daily. However, as I often admit, I have mastered nothing.

I blog candidly about my giant open heart and that fact that I am basically a big kid in an adult body. Physically, I have been here for 40-years, but mentally and emotionally, I am most likely stunted and freeze-framed somewhere in my 20’s. Some days, maybe even my teens. I used to be embarrassed about my ways of being as people find me socially awkward, slightly nervous, and extremely childlike. Fortunately, I have been blessed to finally “find my tribe” and bond with those that thoroughly enjoy my Tinkerbell-fairy-like demeanor and boundless energy. I find myself now more than ever, soaking up the blessings of friendship, love, and authentic connection. But how do I continue to invest in relationships while simultaneously releasing my attachment to how I think our dynamic “should” go?

My present practice is to maintain my open heart, continue to hold space for others, further allow new connections, deepen current connections, all while metaphorically doing a TRUST FALL into the arms of every Angel in my corner. Some people are with you forever and others for just a cup of coffee. Some friendships exist out of convenience or obligation, while others exist because of the pure joy involved. There are healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships. There are friends that consistently remain by your side and other friends that operate on a more “push/pull” vibe, unsure of their own desires. Friends that add to your cup of positivity and yet, other friends that just sip from it. Relationships, like people, come in all shapes and sizes. We all join together with both healed and unhealed parts of ourselves. We seek to connect and grow with our community, but yet, we also fear being hurt or abandoned by it.

I have most definitely been guilty of clinging to others. My brain still thinks it’s recess and everyone is my friend. This week, my work-life took a fun and expected turn with a surprise promotion and a new restaurant to quickly learn. I am excited, honored, and terrified. In the mix of all these changes, includes having to say goodbye to some of my most favorite and extraordinary co-workers. Even though I truly believe that my Soul-to-Soul bond(s) with those around me are Spiritually eternal, on this physical realm, well…. it’s not that simple. Full time jobs, spouses, kids, family, school, pets, this, that, the third, etc. There are a billion reasons why friends grow apart. So, should we STOP seeking unconditional love and genuine connection if there is a possibility it’s only fleeting?

Absolutely not.

We cannot force anything, but we can flow with everything. Continue to BE LOVE, spread love, and accept love as it comes in. Enjoy every second of community, friendship, and connection. But also, allow yourself and others off the hook. Attach yourself to nothing. Soak up the present moment without expectations. Remove the obligations from the space of all your relationships. Let others ebb & flow through their lives as well as yours. Some will stay, some will not. The reality is, we are not in control of any of that, but trust that we aren’t supposed to be.