Day Trippin’
Perhaps you are an advocate for the use of Psychedelics. Perhaps, you are not. Maybe you view them as merely a street drug, used by low lives desperate to escape their own crumby reality. Or maybe there is a chance that you have not yet formed an opinion, yet your curiosity continues to increase. I wouldn’t dare cast a vote as to who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Perhaps, everyone is correct in their own vantage point. Either way, below is my personal story during my very 1st “journey.” Judge if you wish.
February 2022 ~ My intent was clear: “I wanted to expand my mind, increase my spiritual awareness, and heal any lingering unresolved trauma.”
Immediately after consumption, I took a brief hike and then I placed a blanket down on the grass, laid on my back, and began to study our wonderous sky. Tree branches waived so effortlessly just above my gaze. It felt as if I was watching our planet breath. Mother Earth matched my every inhale and exhale. Everything was as alive, just as I was. It became so evident to me how the top of those swaying branches resembled the bronchi airways of our own fleshy lungs. Mother Earth and I were the same. I saw and felt the Oneness; “As Above, So Below.”
Unlike with alcohol, I still felt I had all my wits about me. I just felt lighter. I was still me, but it suddenly became easier to laugh, smile, and appreciate my Earthly surroundings. It was as if, ego me completely separated from soul me, and all that was left was my Inner Being. I felt completely at ease and filled to the brim with utter joy and gratitude for my own human experience.
It was around this time that the sun started to set, and the coolness of the evening began to rush in. I grabbed my blanket, headed inside, plopped down on the couch and sat perfectly under a large windowsill, where I proceeded to watch the sky perform. By now there was a mild haze of pinks, purples, blues, and greens that were gently coating my scenery. The clouds had my undivided attention as I watched each one of them morph into skull faces. A few of these skulls had bodies, but each one of them was representing the concept of death. They were smiling and dancing, collectively, with choreography that appeared soft, peaceful, and uncomplicated. They were depicting a docile, but clear message that death as the way we (humans) know it to be, isn’t. Death is not scary or harrowing at all, but instead an organic flow of art. A dance. A natural occurrence of returning home that should be recognized as beautiful, instead of the dreadful unknown. Dying was no longer intimidating, it was pure.
Somewhere between bliss and clarity, my playlist delicately playing in the background, had shuffled its way to the next randomly selected song, “Comfortably Numb,” by Pink Floyd. The somber-like beats must have connected with my subconscious in a way I hadn’t prepared for, because within a blink, the brightly colors floating across my window view, vanished. Just like that, the world turned completely grey. Each vibrant strand had been sucked up, out, and away, leaving me in-tune with the massive shift in energy and perspective. Despite the quick glimpses of Jim Hensen-like Muppets randomly popping up in the windows on the other side of the room, I suddenly realized how utterly alone I truly was. I felt the hard lump in the back of my throat appear and I attempted to fight back the tears that were aggressively brewing behind my eyes. Despite my efforts, another tear fell. Then another. Inside my brain, a rolodex of memories began playing on full blast. Flashbacks of feeling abandoned, came in full force. Not just from childhood, but as a teenager, and even as an adult. It was as if I was forced to involuntarily watch my life on repeat.
This was my fear of abandonment, surfacing, and asking to be healed.
I just had to ride it out until dawn. And I did. I sat. I overserved. I tuned in to everything I was afraid of. And I surrendered. By morning, I woke feeling like I had lost 50lbs. Something was different. I couldn’t place it at first, but over time I realized that my co-dependent tendencies had nearly dissipated completely. In the past, a daily light nagging portion of anxiety had become normal. But after this experience, that sensation was suddenly gone. This new way of being spilled over into other areas of life as I found myself in a more laidback space of ebb & flow. My unhealthy attachments had monumentally decreased.
As a wanna-be writer, I wish I could better articulate HOW each memory, phobia, and realization that was washing over me on repeat for hours on end could actually make me have subconscious AH-HA moments. But I can’t. Because even I don’t even fully understand yet what I experienced. I won’t pretend to be a smarty-pants or lie and say I have done extensive research on the science beyond the use of psychedelics. I am most likely, just another typical human messing with things they have no business messing with. That’s fine, because at the end of it all — good, bad, or indifferent — I just plain felt better.
Today, I am attempting to learn more about the power of micro-dosing and connecting with actual professionals that can shed light on it all. As always, I am open minded, open hearted, and eager to hear other people’s journey stories.
