Dance Monkey

Hippie Go Free Free 🐸
5 min readNov 18, 2024

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I was born a performer. I slid into this world 2-weeks early, smack in the middle of Memorial Day Monday. Sorry fam! Ya’ll never did make it to that backyard BBQ. But hey, I was ready to take on the globe. I grew up in the dance industry and was addicted to the applause, validation, and praise. I was damn good too. From competitions, to recitals, to instructing, to becoming a community idol, all before I turned 30. Oddly enough, as I aged, my love for the spotlight dwindled. Big time.

Within the last few years, my eternal thirst for popularity turned bone dry. It would be a far stretch to say that I went from extroverted to introverted, because I still enjoyed social hour. But still, something massive shifted in me.

Dance will always remain one of my passions, but large amounts of attention is no longer a passion and hasn’t been for a while. I recently started to observe these changes within myself, objectively. In just a few short years, I deleted all my social media accounts, I stopped teaching regularly scheduled dance-fitness classes, and I have even begun voicing my emotional struggles inside the restaurant industry. This week, as usual, I turned to my rock of a husband for comfort. Even 600+ miles away on a military base, he is still able to gift me compassion and grace. He invited me to embrace my changes more and grieve them less. Agreed, however, I couldn’t let go of the grieving until I had a complete understanding of what I was letting go of. Turns out, it is not a coincidence that my feelings on these categories of my life all changed so drastically, at once. ALL these elements were connected.

6-hours ago, as we tied on our aprons in the parking lot before clocking in, I confessed much of this to one of my favorite co-workers. With soft eyes and a big heart, she tilted her head ever so slightly and said, “You don’t want to be a server anymore?” To which, without even realizing it, my brain responded, “I don’t want to be a performer anymore.”

And just like that, the connection was exposed. THAT was the underlying feeling. THAT was the “A-ha” moment I had been praying for. THAT has been why “so much” about me has change. In fact, it wasn’t so much at all! It’s just ONE thing; I do not want to be responsible for entertaining anyone, anymore. Especially, when you are getting graded on it. Okay, not a real grade as in A, B, C, but man, close enough. Too close! Think about it… During dance competitions, I received a score. During the recitals, I received corrections. During my dance-fitness teaching days, I received feedback and constant invitations to do it differently. And during the days I had a smidgen of social media influence, oh my!!! The trolls, the judgements, and the criticisms! And now, with the Golden age of internet, YELP and GOOGLE have become the new way for strangers to rate me. No matter how hard I work, how fast I bring those drinks, or how delicious that food is, there is rarely a day where at least one customer is somehow, unhappy. And then, I get to read about it online.

I am done dancing for this world. YES, I am a bright light, and I have more love in my heart than I know what to do with, but maybe even fairies grow tired. I still believe my Soul’s mission is to help spread love, joy, and positivity…but can I just do that organically? Can’t I just be me, without the essence of razzle dazzle?! The social expectations that I have carried on my back for the last 4-decades are not all mine, but they all got to go.

I want to know that being alive is good enough. That I am good enough. That I can simply just exist. That I do not HAVE to be a constant light, here only to entertain, uplift, or impress. I want to know that doing my best, is perfectly acceptable. I want to know that it is safe for me to have a bad day, bad moment, or bad work shift.

I want to know these things. I need to know these things. And I am entering a chapter in my life now where I am realizing it is up to me to make changes both within myself and within the world I create around me. We all have core values. Mine is FREEDOM. Freedom from these strings. (((snip snip)))

BONUS CONTENT BELOW:

…..Thank you MG for everything that you are, everything that you aren’t, and for gifting me such a powerful realization this morning. Thank you for being my friend, my co-worker, and my forever sprinkle of Spiritual support.

For my readers that also follow MG, I want to share her beautiful words of wisdom they she wrote me earlier:

“You’re going through a powerful transformation, and only you know the shape it needs to take. On the YOU channel, you’re the writer, the director, and the star. The remote is always in our hands, ready to switch scenes, change the tempo, or simply press pause.

Your channel is a sacred space, much like a journal, raw, honest, and wholly yours. It’s not created for an audience. I’m here on the sidelines, not as critics but as quiet witnesses to your evolution. And I choose to pay prime to watch your channel.

Who am I to judge? I’ll stand here, not to impose, but to honor the bravery it takes to rewrite your script, to turn the page, and to choose yourself above all else. If the feeling is true and it aligns with your most authentic self it will make its way to you one way of another. Your openness if the most beautiful to see and it is that same openness that brings new opportunities your way. no matter if what comes we feel is good or bad, its coming your way to help you unfold more deeply and more you every time.”

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Hippie Go Free Free 🐸
Hippie Go Free Free 🐸

Written by Hippie Go Free Free 🐸

Tie-dyed rabbit hole of wild-child adventures, stoner wisdom, & Spiritual perspectives!

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