Anxiety & the Restaurant Industry

There are two things that I am fairly familiar with: Restaurant life and chronic anxiety. However, never before have they overlapped in such a significant way, like they do now. Today, I sink into a space of pure vulnerably and unload emotionally, with the intent of possibly gaining a new perspective as other’s comment and share as well.

I started bussing tables at age 17 and by the following year I was a full-fledged server. It has been over 2-decades of waitress life, with only 2 other “careers” that I dabbled in. (Believe me, I use the term “career” loosely.) I never completely left the restaurant industry, even while I tried my hand at Early Childhood Education and becoming an Executive Administrative Assistant within the walls of a successful 3-story Wellness Center. In the past, I expanded into these other jobs, while still taking tables part-time. But no matter what, I always landed right back into cocktail hour as my main gig. The other paths…just didn’t seem to stick.

Unfortunately, as I grew older, my abilities and my memory changed drastically. Which has created an overwhelming abundance of new anxieties. Let me explain how.

For those that are not familiar with the restaurant industry, I will gently share now my personal perspective on what I am experiencing. But first, I have 2 disclaimers. ONE: I am 100% aware that this is my vantage point, and I am in no way speaking for other servers. TWO: This is absolutely NOT a strike against the company I work for in any way. In fact, considering my thick resume and history of about a dozen restaurants ranging from New York, to North Carolina, to my current state (all over the last 20+ years) I can say with zero bullsh*t that this company is literally the greatest company I have worked for yet. No lie. But the industry is still the industry no matter how wonderful management is. And that is where I keep getting stuck.

With the birth of Yelp, Google reviews, and social media, businesses now more than ever are in a silent…well, I want to use the word “panic” because it is just so super easy to tarnish a business’s reputation with a single review. To be honest, it is disheartening and even shocking at times to see ordinary people completely abusing the power of the internet by (sometimes) straight up CHOOSING to verbally rip a business apart. I mean, hey, if you are out to lunch and receive terrible service, you have the human right to express your disappointment. There isn’t a single person on this planet that doesn’t deserve to be treated like a King or Queen while dining out. And I mean that. But there is a massive difference between having a genuine negative experience over your dessert vs. trashing your local eatery on Facebook because you waited an extra 3-minutes for your favorite cake slice. Impatience and entitlement have become the new accepted normal and this has personally kicked off a fresh wave of anxiety within me that I am currently struggling to navigate.

I am proud of the company I work for, specifically for their detailed beliefs in community, connection, and hospitality. Their beliefs as a company are my beliefs, personally. I live to LOVE. I live to authentically help make people feel so special. (Because they are!) I am a perfect fit for QUALITY customer service. It is where I thrive. QUANTITY, however, is where I fumble. There are certain “marks” I aim to hit each and every shift. My company and myself set the same high bar, with every clock-in. Anticipating guest(s) needs, walking them through menu choices, helping them pick their cocktails, dishing out some laughs and a sliver of entertainment, while also being a helpful co-worker. That includes running food & bar drinks and keeping side-work at bay, so we are not fighting for glasses, ice, or silverware mid-shift. Basically, servers are human jugglers…you just can’t see all the balls in the air. Trust me, there are a lot of them. To drop one of these balls automatically means you will gain the attention of a manger or a customer, and not in a positive way. Avoiding a negative review from leadership, staff, or guests has become my main motivation. And it’s taking its toll.

Another secret in the industry is that, once a new restaurant is open and blossoming nicely, next on the general TO DO list is to make sure labor costs are reasonable and as low as they can be, safely and efficiently. That means, for a server, larger sections. You may start out having 3 tables but quickly end up with 6 or more. As QUANTITY increases, QUALITY of service absolutely can NOT decrease. No matter how many balls in the air, the juggler must continue on as if nothing has shifted.

This is the core of my personal server anxiety. I do feel that I have mastered maintaining an impeccable quality of service, while taking on more and more. This not only creates feelings of anxiousness, but I also feel extremely inadequate and less than. Especially when I see other co-workers and friends not experiencing the same bundle of nerves. Are they better multi-taskers? Most likely. Or maybe they don’t “care” the same? Possibly, but unlikely. I haven’t figured out yet what it is or isn’t that I am missing, but I continue to pray for a change. I either need a change within myself and my own perspectives or I need to change how I pay my bills.

Want to hear a secret? I secretly pray for a hero. A manager, co-worker, friend, or family member that can clearly see my strengths and weakness and eventually go, “Hey! I have the PERFECT job for you!!!”

I love people more than I am able to express. I cherish my job and am grateful for my position. But I feel gratitude while simultaneously also feeling like there may be more out there for me. I want a job that I LOVE and I am good at….but I also want a job where there isn’t an element of panic happening within my body. It is not healthy to be in a long-term state of “Flight or Fight.” I pray for a job that is fulfilling and full of community connection, without the pressures of dropping one of the ten balls I have in the air, during any given shift.

I trust that my body and my mental state is attempting to tell me something. I plan on listening and staying open to new ideas and possibilities. I feel strongly that the Universe is brewing something special for me. It’s time. I just need to have some faith and some patience.